Brian Hutch's Journal|
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|Tuesday, February 7th, 2006|
There's a couple fighting in the ghetto tonite.
It's not beautiful or poetic.
It's simply a symbol... of how human we are.
Of how our lives are a struggle.
Just to get along with one another.
To learn... how to express how we feel.
To learn... how to listen, even when we disagree.
So there's a couple fighting in the suburbs tonite
And in the city tonite
And in the country tonite.
Because we are all human.
And we all have a lot to learn. Current Mood: anxious
|Sunday, February 5th, 2006|
There will always be shattered dreams. There won't always be opportunity. Take the initiative; live your life. Current Mood: Dazed
|Wednesday, May 25th, 2005|
|End of Semester Blues
It's been a bitter-sweet end of the semester. I have left the UMD dorms once and for all, which is a good and a bad thing. The downside is that I can't just wake up and roll out of bed to class anymore. I also rely on my car to get me to school every day. Also, I have to worry about paying rent and bills. We'll see how that goes... But the upside is that I'm living with my good friend Adam and our friend Jessica. It's not a bad living situation. We all have our querks (sp?)but so does everyone.
I ended up getting the LGBT scholarship through UMD. That paid for my summer class, so I'm really happy I got that. I also got to walk up at Lavender Graduation and the director talked about me. I love those moments when you feel like your accomplishments are finally being recognized. I also got to watch my friend give the student commencement speech at the main graduation ceremony. He had a little bit of trouble but I don't blame him considering there were like 18,000 people out in the audience. It's sad to see the seniors graduate :(... But you know what that means? Now I'm a senior!! hehe
I still haven't gotten one class grade back yet, but so far I have 3 "A"s and a "C". That's not bad considering how much stress I've been under. The C was unfortunate considering I did so well the first half of the semester and then I just bombed the last two exams, so I messed it up. I'm not going to cry a river though because it was just for fulfilling a psyc major requirement. I think of it as like a science or math class that I have to take, so getting a C is typical. As long as I keep my GPA above 3.0, I'll be fine. This semester, my semester GPA will either be 3.6 or 3.4, depending on the outcome of that one class. We'll see what happens.
So this starts the one year countdown until graduation. I can't believe it's been 3 years in college already. I guess time flies when you're having fun... or busy as hell lol. What I realized as I was washing dishes in the kitchen today is that a life lived never goes without sour memories. I look back and can think of things that have happened that I wish never happened (most notably working at Food Bar in DC) but I have to keep moving on and take what experience I can from them without regret. "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss" (RENT).
Yesterday, I got sooo much done since I had the time. I went to Gaithersburg (where I grew up) and took my mom to work, got breakfast and lunch, changed my address at my home bank, got my new FULL driver's license (since I turned 21 three weeks ago), got new RAM for my computer, dropped by to chat with Irina, cleaned up a little at dad's house, went to dinner with mom, deposited my tuition refund (yay for paying rent!), and came home and put in my new RAM into this laptop and attempted to make the internet run. Unfortunately the internet is having issues here since it's wireless and I can't get a signal in my room, so I have to bring my laptop into Adam's room where the connection is. Also, my computer is making a very annoying white noise sound every few seconds and I have to play music to not hear it. I wish it would go away!!! lol...
Well today is more of a lazy day and I'm just going to go shower and see what to do with the rest of it. I should really get a job soon but we'll see what happens. I'm just looking forward to my summer plans. I think I wrote them out in a previous entry, so no need doing that again. Let me know if you want to hang out sometime! Current Mood: anxious
|Wednesday, May 18th, 2005|
So finals are going pretty well so far. I took my Abnormal Child Psychology and Family Studies exams and I think I did pretty well. I probably got a B on the first and an A on the second. But better than that is that I got my paper back in Family Studies and I got an A (98/100) which is probably the best grade in the class considering I did some comparing. I also just saw that I got an A on my LGBT Literature paper, so I am soooo happy about that. I worked my ass off on both of those papers, so it ended up working for me.
I don't have cancer by the way! I had some moles removed (I know... I hate stuff like that too) and they said they looked ambiguous or something like that. It really scared me, but now I know I'm fine, so I'm relieved. School is almost over (2 more days of exams (3 exams)) and I'm all moved into my new apartment with two good friends, so I'm happy about that. This summer looks like it's going to be great too. I have a lot to look forward to.
In the meantime, I have to study my ass off for the last three finals, especially my industrial psych class. I got a D on the second exam (how I have no idea) so I have to make up for it. Too bad I barely know the material on the exam... that's why I really have to study. So I'm going to get offline now and do that lol. Ttfn! Current Mood: achey
|Wednesday, April 27th, 2005|
|Another night of work
So I got my LGBT paper in on time the other day. I didn't feel too confident about it, but I guess we'll see how I did when I get it back. On a happier note, I received the LGBT scholarship from the LGBT Studies program, so my summer class is now paid for. I feel like my work actually means something! I may also be serving on a board of religious student leaders on their points of view on tradition and family values. It'll meet before Congress in September. I really hope I am chosen so I can express my views on what it means to be a Christian. I'm tired of the religious right highjacking Christianity. Anyway, so I went on a retreat this past weekend and it was really great. It snowed, so it was cold, but otherwise it was really cool to get to know people from the campus ministry. This Saturday's my birthday and Friday is my party, so this paper that I'm supposed to be working on right now is the only thing that is keeping me from celebration. I can't believe I'll be 21!! Where did the years go? My grandmother is afraid that I am going to drink myself to death, but of course I'm better than that and I won't be led to drink any more than I know is good for me. Well... drinking isn't really good for you on any level unless it's wine... but you catch the drift. Hopefully Saturday and/or Sunday, I can go up to Philly for the equality forum too. I'm looking forward to the end of the semester. At least I'll have one week to settle into my new apartment after the semester ends before my summer class starts. But that's only for 3 weeks, so I'll live. I have the rest of the summer to have fun and sit on my ass when I'm not working or out of the country. I'm still struggling to find a place to stay in Canada when I go, but even if I don't find one, I'm going!! If I have to sleep on a friend's floor, so be it! Just don't tell my mom :) Current Mood: blah
|Thursday, April 21st, 2005|
So I'm sitting here in the WAM lab writing my English paper because my computer decided to die on me. I haven't had the time to get it fixed yet. I'm alert because I'm high on caffeine (sp?) but I'm tired as hell and I'm going home as soon as I write this. I'm only 3 pages into the 7-page paper, but I can't function like this. I know it's my own fault for starting so late, but I do have a busy schedule. I can't wait til summer! So I'm kinda bummed I didn't get one of the scholarships I applied for (the one I spent so much money on in Fed-Exing it). I hate those stupid generalized rejection letters they send you that describe nothing and tell you that they simply had a lot of applicants. Perhaps I shouldn't have told them I will be ordained in a "gay church." Oh well... God will provide. Ok I'm about to pass out. My 21st birthday's next friday... yay!!! This week is the spring retreat... yay :) Good stuff is coming up... I just have to get through this muck... ok shit first. Current Mood: exhausted
|Monday, March 7th, 2005|
|Tuesday, March 1st, 2005|
I am quite relieved that I got the application in for the theological scholarship I am applying for. It required me to pay $19.00 at FedEx to overnight the thing, but if I get the fund, I will receive $1500, which will take a good bite out of my tuition. Also, I will have a paid trip to St. Louis for the conference for Undergraduate Fellows, which I probably won't care too much for, but I may be able to spend some time with my grandma who lives in St. Louis (which I have been meaning to do anyway since she is 82 and may be nearing the end of her life in the next few years). That would also be perfect because it ends the day before I start my summer class (Biological Basis for Psychology- yucky) which is June 20th. So this summer, if all goes well, I will spend the first few weeks of summer settling down in the new apartment with Adam and Jessica and get to spend more time with Paul. Then the FTE conference is June 15-19, then summer class is June 20- July 8th, then UFMCC (Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches) conference (which I am REALLY looking forward to) in Calgary, Alberta, Canada is July 21-26. Then I have the rest of the summer to work somewhere (to pay rent!) and prepare for fall. Busy summer! I just hope I don't have to add statistics to my course list because that would really just mess everything up. Did I mention I still haven't gotten my grade back from last semester? I'm really frustrated by this and I'm hoping it will work out. Oooo... I forgot Oprah's on... anyway :)
So all of this craziness and planning reminds me- my application for graduate school (seminary) is due in exactly 11 months from now. That's less than a year... that's kinda scary! It's all scary and exciting at the same time. Of course I want my life to go on and I want to acheive my goals and go after my dreams, but it seems to be going so fast. But I'm in a pretty comfortable place. My future seems laid out for me, which I like. But it's not TOO comfortable. There are still uncertainties and financial crap to take care of. But those are just the details (and I have to remember that or I'll drive myself insane!)
But in the meantime, I am going to try my best to focus on my undergraduate work and not worry about graduating on time (which my wonderful advisor Kim keeps assuring me of). Are you folks facing all of this graduate stuff?? It seems early, but I guess not... let me know :) Current Mood: contemplative
|Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005|
|In Your Life
"How many tears or how many broken hearts, just how many sorrows, how much you'll take...in your life... nobody knows..."
This is my life and yours. Sing the song in your heart, and make sure it's not someone else's. Take life day by day, knowing that you never take a step backward, but that you are always moving forward. The road may be rocky, but you are strong. You can make it. And when you climb that final mountain, you will turn to your soul and say "Thank you." And Life continues. Current Mood: optimistic
|Sunday, February 20th, 2005|
So, I was reading my Abnormal Child Psychology book and I found this quote that makes me feel much better about my childhood:
"I am convinced that, except in a few extraordinary cases, one form or another of an unhappy childhood is essential to the formation of exceptional gifts." - Thorton Wilder (1897-1975)
That's why I'm so incredibly gifted HAHAHAHA... ok I'm done :) Current Mood: sleepy
|Sunday, January 30th, 2005|
So tomorrow morning is my second chance on the stat exam... I'm a little nervous but mostly just too tired to keep on studying. It's about 10:15 right now, so I figure I'll sleep for an hour and then study for two and then sleep for six. I really hope this will go over well... my success in school leans on my success on this exam- ugh. Okay nap time. Cross your fingers and pray!
PS- College Perk is a cool little coffee shop, I finally stopped in to study and I really like it. Current Mood: exhausted
|Tuesday, January 18th, 2005|
Those of you who know me probably know that I love fortune cookies and save all of the fortunes. This week, I got two fortunes in one cookie (lucky, eh?) and they read, "The current year will bring you much happiness" and "A good time to finish up old tasks." The first one I hope will come true, and the second one is absolutely correct. I'm on winter break, so I'm taking time to finish up old tasks. I love fortune cookies! Current Mood: accomplished
|Wednesday, January 5th, 2005|
|Thursday, December 16th, 2004|
So I got up at 9 this morning to finish studying for what I thought was a 10:30 exam. I got here and no one was here. I freaked out and shat a brick, yes a brick. Then I went online and saw that the exam isn't until 1:30. Wow- am I relieved... yet pissed that I could have slept at least another hour... Now to study the stuff I didn't have time to study. Current Mood: relieved
|Wednesday, December 15th, 2004|
|Update on Exams
So this morning's Stat exam was a trainwreck. I figured I knew a lot of stuff, but when I got to the test, I drew a blank on most of it. I am just praying that the curve is big enough that I can slip through the door with a "C" in the class. If I don't, I will be arrested for weeping at the professor's door.
I turned in my Sociology of Gender final and I think I did pretty well on that.
Once again it's 3:30am and I'm working tirelessly on papers. I finished my 12-page (single-spaced) portfolio on Public Sex and now I have to write the 6-page analysis by noon. I also have a 6-page analysis to write by 3:30pm for LGBT Speaker's Bureau. I'm not overly stressing about these two things, but I'm just really annoyed that I have all this work to do and I am just burnt out.
On the brighter side, it snowed for the first time this winter tonight. It was just flurries, but still... I know that if I move to California I will miss the snow but I will NOT miss the cold! Current Mood: annoyed
|Tuesday, December 14th, 2004|
|I Hate Finals
It's 2:30am. I have a statistics final at 8am. I am on the 6th page of a 7-page paper due at noon. I'm tired of working and my brain is starting to derail. I feel totally unprepared for the exam, and I want to go to bed but I will study until at least 3:15 because I have to push myself. Oh how I look forward to Thursday at 12:30 when I turn in my last final and take a sigh of relief. Until then, work, work work :( Current Mood: nervous
|Friday, December 10th, 2004|
Typical reaction I suppose to the end of the semester. I'M FREAKING OUT! Okay maybe I'm not panicking, but I'm definitly really stressed. I don't smoke, but for some reason I feel the need for a cigarette... Anywho- I'm trying to get a head start on my assignments (3 papers and 2 exams) but as always, I find everything under the sun else to do. I guess it's good that at least it's all productive. I'm cleaning and sorting and sending out Christmas cards, etc. But the fact is that these assignments aren't going to do themselves and I have to be responsible. Oh the joys of adulthood! Oh the joys of the season! Sense the sarcasm? I mean... who doesn't love the holidays, but they are a lot of work. I need my own little elf to write and send my Christmas cards and shop for people for me. I have no time. It doesn't help that my Christmas concert is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday this weekend and then finals start on Tuesday. Oh- and you know what blows is that my first exam, Statistics, is at 8am. Eight in the frickin morning. Who gets up that early?? Ok I think the bitching is over. And look, we didn't even need Nicotene Man to solve this one. I'm a dork.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY :) :) :)
oh and PS- just in case you haven't noticed, I'm not on IM for the time being because AOL decided to block me for reasons unknown to me. Yay corporations! Current Mood: stressed
|Tuesday, December 7th, 2004|
You Are a Visionary Soul
You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.
You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul